Acknowledgment

 Hidden Lake Village 
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Often when someone tells you a story or voices a complaint, he/she is just asking for acknowledgment.

This does not mean that he/she wants agreement or compliance;  it merely indicates a desire to be heard and understood. He/she is really talking to be understood.

Try these three steps to acknowledgment:

1.  Repeat  Back

Acknowledge by repeating back to to the person you are talking to what he/she has said in similar words to show that you have heard and understood the conversation. Examples:

"You were upset today because I was late."

"You feel like I am not upholding my end of the bargain."

"I understand that you are upset by what happened."

2. Don't Invalidate

It is not necessary to agree with the person you are  acknowledging.  You do not even need to feel that what he/she said  is  the truth. However, do not invalidate him or her in your conversations. Examples of invalidation include:

"You're too sensitive. I did not mean that."

"You're  certainly wrong. I do uphold my end of the bargain."
"There is no reason for you to feel like that."

3. Don't Try to Change

Be satisfied just to acknowledge. Don't try to change him or her.

Many  conflicts in any of your relationships, including those at work, can be avoided  if you will take the time to acknowledge other's feelings and points of view. In fact, understanding is what conversing is all about in this (and many) cases.